I once defined my lover as a narcissist. It freed me from the notion that I too, could have been selfish in love. I allowed this man to walk into my life with no intentions to love him unconditionally. He was a muse for my creativity and an outlet for my pain. Pain that existed well before I met him. His love and attention simply acted as trophies in the corridors of my life.
When he asked me to commit, I was faced with an ultimatum. I could love this man, or I could follow my dreams. The decision was clear to me. I could not embrace my destiny and love him at the same time in my life. I was built to create and created to build. With him, there was nothing to build, nothing to create. I refused to sacrifice my soul purpose for a relationship. However, expressing my dedication to my career seemed impossible, so I used heartache as a guise. Instead of being brave and honest, I was manipulative and emotional. I faked being hurt, used, and unappreciated. I projected sadness, anger, and lust and acted shocked when I received the same in return.
Having the opportunity to play the victim in love gives the burden of your inabilities to another person. It is a liberating time that exempts one from the accountability required to mature. I had enough awareness to remove myself from the victim mentality and into a victor state of mind. One where I am accountable for my own actions, and I respect the power of polarity.
#lovesick #twinflame #soulmates #love #diary #writer #author #lovehoroscopes #lovereadings #11:11 #1010 #tarot #youtube #collageart #abstractart #lovesickdiary #bluebeard #bluebeardsrevenge
Jasmine Brianna Ellison is a self-published author with a degree in Political Science. Currently studying Urban Studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago, Ellison is a full-time student and writer.
THESE PERSONAL INSIGHTS ARE NOT MEANT TO EXCUSE OR ENCOURAGE RECONCILIATION WITH ANY ABUSIVE PERSONS OR BEHAVIORS IN YOUR LIFE.